The medicalization of dying, in hospitals, in extended care facilities and even in hospice, often leaves little room for the most human of experiences—intimacy. And yet being close to those we love—being able to touch and be touched, as well as having the privacy we need to express our feelings—are essential elements to living a good and wise death.
The sea change taking place in the popular culture, with regards to sexual minorities, people with disabilities, as well as seniors and elders, may not always be reflected in the way we care for those at the end of life. Conscious dying is virtually impossible if those around us are insensitive to our intimacy needs. And the truth is, this is just as pressing a concern for people in traditional relationships as it is for those in non-traditional relationships.
My client, Janice, is 62 years old. She suffers from late-onset diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis. She is a neatly dressed, silver-haired woman with gnarled hands and feet. The thick lenses of her glasses sit heavily on her pleasant, open face. She is of medium build and walks with a cane. Janice has the shy, nervous […]
“Sex was a taboo subject when I was growing up, just like death and dying, come to think of it. And since I never even came close to conforming to the ideal body image, I always had a hard time of it.” Raymond is a 50-year-old social worker at a home health care agency. He […]
“She stood and faced me, and her hands reached out until they came to rest on my scars. It was like her touch was both fire and ice, but I didn’t pull away. There was no turning back. I was finally doing what I should have done two years ago.” Do you remember my friend […]
“Each of us is entitled to intimacy and pleasure in life, regardless of how our body looks or at what stage of life we are. The fact that we might be sick, elder, or dying need not cut us off from these precious life-enhancing things. However, we will most likely have to take the lead […]
“I’m not used to such a frank discussion about sex. I’m more comfortable with the locker room bravado that passes as sex talk for us guys. At least in that situation, I don’t have to be honest.” Michael is 52. Four years ago, he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. In the past two years, his […]
Richard is psychotherapist/clinical sexologist in private practice since 1981. He lives and works in Seattle, WA.
He is the author of The Amateur’s Guide To Death and Dying; Enhancing the End of Life.
He has been working with terminally ill, chronically ill, elder and dying people in hospital, hospice, and home settings for over 30 years. He facilitates support groups for care-providers and clinical personnel, and provides grief counseling for survivors both individually and in group settings.
He founded Paradigm Programs Inc., an innovative nonprofit organization, as an outreach to and resource for terminally ill, seriously ill, elder and dying people.
He often speaks in the public forum on policy issues related to religion, human sexuality, aging, death and dying, living with chronic illness, and moral development.